Who are we?? We are two mothers that have between us, 4 daughters, 1 son, 1 grandson, 1 son-in-law, 1 soon to be son-in-law( July 4,2010 wedding) and 1 daughter-out-of-law who is the life partner of our gay daughter. Since Ca. does not allow same-sex marriage, we call her our only out-of-law. Hopefully, this situation will resolve itself as voters realize there is no danger to the institution of marriage by allowing gays to wed. After all, having a 50% divorce rate in this country is hardly evidence of the high esteem our society has for marriage.

As mothers, we want our children to have happy and fulfilling lives. We are very proud of them as they are all accomplished. They range in age from 40 to almost 21 with distinctly different personalities. Nothing pleases us more than when they are all together with us which does not happen as often as we wish.

We were both raised with mothers that viewed themselves as "victims" and told us over and over how their childhood was so tough. The truth is closer to them being raised as "divas" and their behavior proved it. When we were young, we believed everything they said, but as we got older we were able to distinguish between their version and reality. Sadly, by this time we had a major case of guilt when we had to ask for something. In my case, I learned to be self sufficient very early because I just couldn't take the heavy sighs, shaking head held in her hands and the whine of " oh, God, how am I supposed to do this".

We are hopeful that we did not pass this trait on to our children as they are all fairly confident problem solvers. Our youngest is still growing in her self confidence. She does not fully realize that with her looks, personality and brains she can be or do anything she wants.

We think all families are dysfunctional to some degree and they always have been. The trick is to organize not agonize. I had some great advice once from a therapist. She said that we cannot change our past but we can change our future by not allowing any of those negative experiences to have power in our adult lives. So, the bottom line is, learn from but don't dwell on the past, be grateful for the good things in your life now and look forward to all the positive things in your future. The glass is always half full on the way to brimming over.